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  • Charlotte Mather

Talking to yourself again?

The voice in your head and how it shapes you…..


Isn’t it incredible to think that throughout our entire lives, we will never talk to anyone as much as we talk to ourselves? When I realised this fact, it completely floored me and set me on a mission to change the way I spoke to myself, and about myself. Since then my life has improved across every facet and in a way that inspires me to help others to do the same.


This is an ongoing journey but in this blog post I will share with you what I have found most helpful in my quest.


Affirmations


1. The action or process of affirming something

2. Emotional support or encouragement


Speak to any successful person these days and they will probably talk about affirmations. Affirmations are used as a positive statement to reinforce a desired belief or longed for outcome.

They are phrases that are used to affect the conscious and subconscious mind.

Many people have heard the phrase “every day in every way I am getting better and better” this is a positive affirmation.

Affirmations can also be used in a negative way, so whenever you think badly of yourself you are affirming that negative thought in your mind “I am not good enough”.


When I first learned about affirmations I gave it a go for a couple of days and felt ridiculous! I said my affirmations out loud in the mirror each day. Things like “ I am a confident and positive person who makes friends easily”. They became a bit of a chore and I went on auto pilot. Needless to say, I didn’t really notice much change.


Then once I understood how the subconscious mind works I started to see how affirmations are really powerful.


I read about “Nevillising” a phrase coined by Neville Goddard author of The Power of Unlimited Imagination and Feeling is the Secret. He talks about the importance of feeling that something has happened. So you take an affirmation (and ideally this should be something that you desire to have, be or do) in it’s presence tense, so like it’s already happened. When you repeat this affirmation aloud or as a thought, feel the feelings as though it has actually taken place.


So, I might have an affirmation such as “I maintain a positive outlook regardless of my circumstance” and as I say this affirmation out loud or in my head I feel the feelings of positivity.


Affirmations work particularly well on our subconscious mind when in a hypnotic state. Did you know that you naturally go into hypnosis twice a day at least. As we are falling asleep and as we are waking up.

These are called the Hypnogogic and Hypnopompic states.

Napoleon Hill the author of “Think and Grow Rich” knew this all too well and recommends in his book (which has sold 70 million copies worldwide) that affirmations about abundant wealth are repeated twice a day at bed time and upon waking. This was most likely inspired by the work done by Emile Coue, which suggested positive affirmations be repeated 20 times before sleep and 20 time upon waking.


So now I don’t feel ridiculous when reciting my affirmations (and in fact only need to do them in my head).


Reframing and Rephrasing


Like most typical Brits (particularly the Northern variety) whenever greeted with the ever popular greeting of “you all right?” I used to respond in one of the few acceptable ways.

Yeah not bad

You know, getting there

I’ve been worse


Why do we do this? It’s like it’s a societal sin to say “I’m great thanks, how are you?”. In fact, when I started to change how I respond to this question, people became wary. They appeared shocked that I would say this and looked at me like I needed some sort of help.


Who is this happy simpleton? What a loon!


Our subconscious mind is ALWAYS listening. So, if you respond in a way that is less than positive, whether it’s the truth or not, your subconscious will accept it. Don’t believe me? Try it for a week…whenever someone asks how you are. Tell them you are great and see if you start to feel that way. Now, I’m not saying for a minute that you need to lie or cover up negative feelings. What I am saying is don’t feel like you have to downplay your positive feelings.


Positivity spreads like a virus…..so does negativity so pick your disease with care.


Reframing means looking at something and changing the perspective.


So, rather than asking “why is this happening to me?” you might say “what can I learn from this?” – see how the feeling changes?


It’s also helpful to see things from the point of view of someone else. Or perhaps revisit a painful childhood memory with the wisdom of an adult.


Gratitude


Gratitude is kind of a big deal right now, and rightly so. Did you know that feeling gratitude actually changes our bodies on a physical level. It brings our heart into coherence with our head and creates synchronicity that improves our well being in so many ways.


It’s easy to get frustrated with modern life, we are busy rushing from one thing to the next. We overlook the small things in life that we have to feel grateful for (and sometimes the big things too).


Whenever I feel like things aren’t moving fast enough, or I’m frustrated with something in my life I stop, think about what is really making me feel this way and feel thankful for the small things in life. This might be the fact that’s its raining means my flowers will grow big and beautiful. My kids arguing means they are well and just being normal kids. Then there are the big things like the health of myself and my loved ones and the fact that we aren’t living in a war zone.


Do you remember the days you used to dream of what you have today? I do….those months trying desperately for a baby, years spent worrying about how I would pay the rent……all got me to where I am today so I am going to be damn grateful for what I have.


If gratitude if the first feeling that you feel when you wake up, how much more likely do you think it is that you’ll have a good day?


I could also talk about my love of meditation and mindfulness but that;s another blog post in itself. So I will save it for another time.


Have an amazing day….you deserve it x

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Oak Oak House A, Ransom Wood Business Park, Mansfield, NG21 0HJ
 
0771 304 6177
info@charlottemather.com
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